Saturday, July 3, 2010

Its being a long time since i last updated, so here i go.

Just passed out from BMT, earned myself a Company Best Award and now just hoping i can get a chance to go into Officer Cadet School. Well, made alot of new friends and its kind of sad leaving them. I remember when i just entered BMT, i was very much addicted to a army song, which goes something like "training to be soldiers, fight for our land, once in a life, two years of our time~~". I kept singing and leading this song almost everyday, till the last day of POP i sang it out loud for the last time while my platoon is marching to the stadium for the final parade, my tears just kept rolling down my cheeks. Its kind of emotional.

BMT is really fun, there are tough times while there are times when we all really laughed like crazy. Our commanders always make jokes and the way they speak is really hilarious, imagine a laughing through out a lecture is like oh my god.. Life inside is really discipline and i felt really stronger after the whole process, physcially and mentally. There's alot of things i learned to cherish, simple things such as having a solid concrete ground to step on, showering, sleeping, having loves ones around you, or a simple snicker bar.

Although it sucks to wake up in the wee hours of the morning, but i got used to it already. I finally picked up habit of eating breakfast in the morning btw. The food really sucks sometimes, but when the good ones come, its really good trust me. We got ginseng soup, sweet mango and some random food at times. But the thing that makes you cry is when you ask for more meat, the uncle looks at you and smile, "more meat uh, can can!" then he start scooping alot of gravy without the meat and pour it over your plate, trying to make you feel good.

Its being nearly a year, and it still hurts very badly everynight, though its just a month plus together. But seeing that she is happy now, at least i felt better and glad she found someone really better.
~me~ at 10:51 PM

Sunday, February 28, 2010

GRADUATED ! Last paper marked the end of my Poly life and i wont have to attend school for at least the next 5 years. To alot people, it feels good to graduate, but to me its sort of a mixed feeling somehow. Good thing is that i can finally get proper sleep and meals without the disturbance of school test and projects, but i will really miss school like hell, seriously.

Imgaine everyday you wake up with a objective, to go school and complete something for the day, be it lectures or tutorials or projects so on and so forth, you can see your friends and talk alot of craps together, all the fun and kills alot time. At least you know you are living with a goal, to study. Now everday wake up to just think about my future, looking at the obstacles ahead, dam emo.

Its kinda contradicting when you have people who keep telling you to have goals, work hard for it and you will definitely succeed, and you have people who also tell you goals are often different from dreams, most people cant achieve these and that. Almost everytime i talk to people who have more experience in army, they will give me both sides of story. Although it wont affect me from changing my mind to try for it, but somehow i felt scared to see the dark road ahead, would i ever be able to see the light at the end of the path.

Although i will have the weekends to myself, but i am doing to spend it on dragonboat to make myself tougher. It's really lifeless to spend weekdays inside and weekend on a boat and people keep telling me to get a girl to talk to and share stuff with them so that life in army would not be as lonely and aimless. I choose to be alone, it would be only causing misery to the other party.

Hopefully after i go in, i would be able to change for the better and grow my character inside. I have a feeling somehow i might like army life though at times i know i will be cursing and swearing inside, i would choose a army career to a office job or sales etc. I chosed it and hope you guys respect it too. Good luck to me and all other pre-enlistees.
~me~ at 7:36 AM

Saturday, December 19, 2009

Back from a Dragonboat race at Penang, it's 10x worse the smell of any beach in Singapore. The whole race was dam screwed up with no proper race course which means boats can collide and run around any lanes. One of the rower even got hit on the ear and the ear was cut into half. The organiser themselves also very cock up and disorganised, i'm so not going back for another time. LOUSY RACE!

Went for a school camp, OTC as Foodmin once again. Make alot new friends and had lots of fun. Going to genting with Jah Joon and his relative now, first and last time before i go in army. And yes i got my freaking army letter, 8 March 2010 is my last paper and i am going to report to army the next day 9 March 2010. 7 December is my birthday and it will be the last day of my Advanced Section Leader Course, and this is not all. 8 December i cant book out to celebrate because i got a Combined Armed Training till 17 December 2010. SCREWED UP. Angry till i da xiao li!

Went to SAFSA Dragonboat today for the first time. Adrian (coach) taught me alot things and i suddenly fel like a total newbie to dragonboat, i realise all that i've been rowing is not the best. And when he said he been through hell to do 120 stroke rate for 90 strokes i thought to myself.. "then i will dig the hell even deeper to train harder than you!" Haha but say nice only, i'm a lazy bump!
~me~ at 1:56 PM

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Facebook is taking over blog already. Now almost everything is just Facebook.. Anyway just update for fun.

Had been, have been and still will be training like mad. Its abit overworking now, but who cares? Youth is my wealth now, just keep doing what i want, old already then say, since we are all going to die anyway.

The biggest change with me now, is not my body mass, but my character. Im becoming more fuck up, losing more and more friends. Im constantly from time to time living in hatred and vengence, going out with my friends like a log like that. Girls see me also get scared away lah.

I want to take away the hatred from myself, but i also want to keep it. Its the reason why im training, making me stronger and stronger. But its also making me a far too serious guy that makes me frown all the time.

I like to win, i do anything to win, sacrifice anything to reach my target. I also know that this will one day, lead me to my doom. just to win, i offended alot of people and lose friends, why i cant be like my mum? NOT saying that she is a loser, but she always back-off and rather let me win, because she knows how to feel that there is something more important than winning. I'm feeling like a cold blooded freak now..
~me~ at 6:04 AM

Saturday, November 7, 2009

YES HOLDEN, THIS IS UPDATE OF ME! Can tell you at Anchorvale actually if we got go swimming de lor, see now need to update you here. ALL YOUR FAULT! =D

Its 3 weeks left, my SIP last day is 26 November 2009, which mean . Must remember to treat Jun to Haagen Dazs on the last day. Been very mean to her, say her short, fat and ugly.

Hougang gym is like my 2nd home now, get to know dam alot of regular gorillas over there. I really dont know what i want for myself now already, all i know now is that the best way to pass each day is to go gym where people can talk cock sing song with me, push me to my limits.

Had a weird dream, i dreamt that this unreasonable auntie was sitting beside me on a bus. Then alot people on the bus right so she sat very close to me, suddenly she just say that she want to sue to for outrage of modesty just becuase my leg touch her fucking ugly leg! Like what the fork right? Then i explain all the law i know to her, all the elements of that section etc. and she diam diam walk away. SHE REALLY DAM LOSER RIGHT! okay its just a dream..
~me~ at 3:15 AM

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Happy birthday to Charles and Ben Goh. Hope you guys can pass time faster in NS, then ORD soon. Time pass very fast indeed, the last time i thought of army during my year one in poly seems like a week ago. Soon, attachment is going to start, term break, exam and that's when i'm going to leave all my dear friends.

I may seems strong to alot of people now, but i'm seriously dam scared of trying the Commando selection. My mind is weak, my stamina is not good, i'm a heavy sleeper, and alot people keep saying those got muscle people usually first to drop out because of these and that. I use to have a motivation to do everything, now that it's gone, i felt so lost.

I can't believe that i'm really going in so soon, and i won't ever be a teenager anymore once i get in. I'm about to enter into adulthood and leaving many regrets, seriously just FML. "Worry is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere", i guess i have to start training up myself for army. Learn to give up my thoughts of relationships, don't wanna get pricked again.
~me~ at 7:05 AM

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

SERIOUSLY, TAKE MY WORD, I WOULD REALLY CONSIDER TO SPEAR YOU DOWN AND FUCKING LOCK YOU IN MY ARM BAR NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES, AND I WILL JUST BREAK UR 8 JOINT AND TIE YOU UP LIKE A DEAD DOG. YOU JUST FUCKING LIVING IN BORROW LIFE NOW, SO BETTER TREASURE IT. SO CALLED MY "DAD", BUT I FUCKING TOLD YOU SO MANY TIMES, I DONT NEED YOU, I WONT EVER RESPECT YOU, I WONT SAY A THANK YOU, I WONT EVEN GO FOR YOUR FUCKING FUNERAL.

I FUCKING SCREAMED AT YOU TILL I GOT FUCKING NO VOICE LEFT AND NOT EVEN A FUCKING THING I FUCKING SAID GOT INTO YOUR FUCKING PEA BRAIN. STUBBORN PIECE OF SHIT, DONT DESERVE MY RESPECT FOR YOU MAN. STOP ACTING LIKE YOU UNDERSTAND ALOT ABOUT ME, WHEN FOR YEARS YOU DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW A PIECE OF ME. EVEN MY NORMAL FRIENDS KNOW ME BETTER THAN YOU DO. SO JUST FUCK OFF. DONT TEST MY LIMITS, WHEN I GO LOOSE I GOT NO LIMITS.
~me~ at 8:17 AM